My dear readers I am currently enjoying Daniel Goleman’s Social Intelligence …and here are my perspectives on all of my experiences and happenings of today ☀️
Simply paying attention allows us to build an emotional connection –Daniel Goleman
Everything about today felt kind …. the people I met , the conversations I had , the centres I visited …all of this impacted on how the day felt – so very zennnnn …despite the hectic pace .So was it me that initiated the sparkle of kindness or was it the people I met .
A lot of how we engage is influenced or conditioned by social behaviour . Similarly how each of us communicate has a powerful influence on those we meet through the course of our day .
Everything about our brain is relational -one of the primary functions of our brain is to do with social relationships … our brain stem is hyper vigilant – and tends to notice any subtle and /or pronounced changes in social cues…. This is one way of processing what’s going well or what’s not …
Benefits of wellness : When we are feeling well within ourselves – we have the ability to notice – what’s going well or what’s not going well for those around us….for example we notice gaps in communication -through unkind or snappy remarks
Making way for kindness : Feeling well, cues us to reflect ; reflection allows for kindness and compassion to come through …
When we focus on ourselves our world contracts …… but when we focus on others our world expands -Daniel Goleman’s wisdom in Social Intelligence
Choosing to excercise reflection and kindness – even when we feel unkind vibes – allows for a constructive response – which means we slow down and continue to remain calm before choosing to respond. This constructive response impacts on those around us ….. there is scope for thinking to happen -making way for gentler interactive patterns ….
So let’s celebrate kindness – a key predictor of social intelligence … an inherent aspect of individual wellness and collective wellness 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Be kind whenever possible – it is always possible – Dalai Lama
My dear readers ….Parenthood came very very early – way before I was even prepared ….. this is how it has been for me. The intention of sharing this post … is regardless of your age – please be extra kind to yourself …… and seek support only from those who trust love and care for you. My primary support for me then was my cherished co-parent – dad to my boys – for this I am and will be eternally grateful. ❤️🌟My mum was always amazingly available 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 and then last but not the least kudos to my own resilience 😉☀️
What made my early journey into parenthood dangerously dauntingly tough … I was young and not informed enough of the various challenges that babies have when growing up …. as a young naive adult I was incredibly sensitive and had a tendency to be easily frightened or worried ….( includes – sadness, fear and anger) . I also had this insatiable need and passion to be fiercely independent and protective of what was mine. I was constantly…. striving through everyday challenges that extended way outside of my parenting realm .
Coming to my context- as a family -we lived with the boys` paternal grandmother. This ofcourse is not new to me, I had my paternal grandmother right from my infancy to my adulthood. My grandmother to this day remains my primary role model – she was consistently loving kind and incredibly gracious.
So why then was this difficult ??? I look back then and sharing it with you without any resentment -all in the now….. This is my perspective ….Learning to say – “thank you but no” was difficult and when I finally found the courage to begin to say this …. I realised I was fighting a belief system within my own home – that was not used to hearing this …..
Lessons learnt …..
Learning to say no to what does not sound right or safe to you -remains an individual right to each of us and our individual wellness and family wellness.
Parenthood does not come easy at all – babies and children fall unwell – throw tantrums -give you sleepless nights – refuse to eat- and can drive us bonkers at any given time !!!! so there is no predictability or order in any of this….. Living with any extended family can happen only when constructive and respectful boundaries are in place – with absolutely no room for judgement or comparisons.
Effectiveness around communications will always be impacted when you are in an anxiety mode – refer to my writing on brain and wellness. However when you feel trapped in a context and you are not able to articulate the chaos…. it is very okay to take ownership of the feeling of discomfort and begin to take action …… and move to a place of wellness and safety- How ??- Seek help from people you trust; do not be afraid to talk about the discomfort ; and find the strength to continue to do the things that make you smile….
Regardless of all of the challenges – cherished moments with my now adult sons…always make me smile ….
Here now some delightful lines from Rumi… You were born with potential -You were born with goodness and trust -You were born with ideals and dreams -You were born with greatness- You were born with wings- You are not meant for crawling so don`t – You have wings – Learn to use them and fly
Sharing some thoughts on the influence of beliefs – on individual wellness 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Our thoughts are primarily influenced by our beliefs …. when we harbour good thoughts …. it transcends into good feelings and leads us towards positive actions. A good portion of my work is about affirming the connectedness between our thoughts our feelings and our actions .☀️
For some of us the connectedness between good thoughts – good feelings and good actions is seamless …. for some others …. there seems to be a struggle ??? This manifests as feeling displaced – sad or angry or scared ; consequently the actions that come out of sad or scared or angry feelings has an impact on wholistic wellness 🍀
So my dear readers , with the objective of integral wellness let’s embrace a belief system that is robust – consistently rich and positive … so how do we do this …. here’s a brief list for quick reference and then you may make some more😉🌟
– Make an affirming script that describes your strengths – all of it – what are things you do well – what are your emotional strengths – acknowledge times you have been brave and awesome
– Give a small portion of your time towards building your strengths – it might be art or gardening or sewing
Take ownership – Celebrate your strengths – make an event of it with friends who cherish you ….
Do all of the above consistently and take note of your each of your happy thoughts – your positive feelings and your super cool actions …
& Enjoy all of the wellness that life resonates back to you ❤️
Am finishing with a quote that takes belief in kindness – The best portion of a good man’s life -his little nameless , unremembered acts of kindness and of love – William Wordsworth
My dear readers …… I hope Monday the 22nd day of June has been kind and generous to you all….. wishing you all a week of gentle wellness. Today I have shared a piece of writing that highlights -shifts in mindsets – working towards constructive change . I have also penned for you my thoughts on learning to embrace change.
There’s a hole in my sidewalk-I can’t see, I don’t care, it’s not my problem .
There’s a hole in my sidewalk- I know it’s there –I fall in – I don’t know how to get out
There’s a hole in my sidewalk – I know it’s there – I fall in- I’m really trying to get out.
There’s a hole in my sidewalk- I know it’s there –I fall in –I know how to get out
There’s a hole in my sidewalk, I know it’s there –I take another route….
Finding different avenues to where you want to be ….always rich with joy, peace and much much love .
Here are my thoughts : I happen to find ways to thrive through the various changes only by persisting through the waves of change that sometimes felt undulating – some gentle and some felt quite rough …Identifying what`s going to work – seeing the positives – accepting the reality within the context -helps immensely . Change is also about being immensely brave ;about learning to accept the new reality ;about being open to receive all the light that awaits us.
Finishing the brief note with Tagore`s writing on what really brings richness and joy ……
Something funny – something light….Today my dear readers , began with me elaborating on the fact that the pot just would not fit into a postbox !? And then after the conversation I found myself drawn to the humour in that vision of – a pot in the postbox . I also happen to find wisdom in that anecdote .
The wisdom in the “ pot cannot fit into the postbox” is about unconditional acceptance of reality . it is also about knowing we cannot ‘always try to fit in or fix things ….or we cannot always choose the timing of how life and moments happen
However the positive of the conversation – was that to my sheer delight the pot got to where it needed to be – eventually it found it’s way without the struggle of getting stuck “into the postbox”. I attribute that to persistence , perseverance and abundance of positivity .And it is also about a little bit of mystery and magic that comes with change.
Pictures that bring in light
Dollops of wellness for today
Every little wish or moment that we most aspire for – for has it’s own auspicious timing –
We don’t have to struggle against the waves – let’s just ride the waves – keep the sailing smooth…..
Humour helps heaps -now and then Its ok to laugh at yourself 😬😆 & thennnn
Let’s just then be positive – believe – keep on at our wellness journey 🛶🍷🎶☀️🌟
Hello dear people – the evening rain has been persistent – so as my “growing list of things to do”and grateful for this time to pause connect and reflect on this very wise book
The key messages of this book is as follows 1.Life is about learning and planet Earth is our school – when things go wrong taking time to reflect on “ what did that experience teach me / us – guides us towards identifying what we really want or don’t want . Sometimes knowing what you really don’t want is a fantastic teaching moment. 😃🌟
2.Find a career that gives you purpose and much much joy- let’s have a look at people who are happy and who succeed immensely – most of the time they are doing something they really love – so the challenges don’t bite so hard . My role at work sometimes involves difficult conversations and lengthy lengthy reports — I believe what I do for work is exactly what I intended to do my perfect avenue – 🍀
I am blessed in the support from my dear family, -my sons – their dad – fellow humans I cherish -in getting me to where I am today ❤️
3. Give yourself to something higher – find a way to serve – yes – let’s go by live – love and serve – the sailing becomes easier that way 🛶🍀
4. Engage in every moment – be mindful – make sure to connect to yourself – the flowers – the blades of grass and the glimmering stars in the sky – so in being mindful we add on to our intuitive wisdom 🌺🌟😉🌟🌟
Hi my dear readers , books are great teachers too … and this book called “The four purposes of Life” had a powerful influence on me ….
Learning life’s lessons as titled – first purpose of our life the author says is to regard the Planet Earth as a school – our experiences each day he says is comparable to what happens in a classroom…varied rich and always on the move .
What adds to our learning , growth and perspectives is the lessons we learn each day in the areas of relationships ,work, finance and health. Self worth , self discipline , Well being , are all inherent part of Earth’s gift to Humanity.
The value of our life experiences is about the lessons learnt / from each of our experiences … the author calls it Humanity curriculum
The lesson I take from here is that my most challenging times have lead me to become more astute in identifying the pathway that is best suited for me – with regards to my values , capabilities and my frailties
“We learn and growfrom challenges and every adversity has a hidden gift .”- Dan Millman
Today’s world is full on with the challenges we face in dealing with COVID; simultaneously we are now also dealing with so much of divide between communities . All of this has an impact on individual wellness – on how each of us feel given the current context .
To be mindful that this big world of ours is small – and that each of us still remain connected through our experiences , and perspectives is one avenue to bridge the divide .
Another constructive experience that I intend to share here is the story behind one of my dear friends turning 60. I decided that my gift to remember my friend’s 60 th was to cook and donate 60 packs of food to one of our food banks . This marathon of an excercise resulted in me feeling totally zonked but very happy and energised.
I decided that I will include making food for our local food bank as a weekly happening at my home. So what was meant to be a one off event is now a weekly occurrence . I make anywhere between 5 upto 12 packs or 18 packs . It gives me great joy that I am now able to serve and give back a teeny weeny portion to the community . I find this rewarding and intriguing as I don’t know who is going to be eating my yumm rice dish with lentils and vegetables; neither do they know that it is coming from my home . But I know that this connects me to my community and connects the community to me. I am thankful for the values I have been imbibed with , that teaches me to keep serving – and aspire for this to be the culture of my home for my kind adult children and one day -their children’s children … One of the best lessons come to life when – “children do as they see”
Using this forum to communicate and share what I have found useful – has been a gratifying experience – Thank you all dear readers for keeping me at it 😉❤️
To my dear readers , some of my main readings about knowing the brain has helped me immensely in learning to be connected to myself – this has had such a positive impact on my own wellness .
What we think , what we feel and what we do is a very integrated process . Our brain is structured in a way that if have a happy thought changes happen internally in our feelings and manifest externally in our actions .
Reading Dan Hughes . Dr.Bessel Van Der Kolk has helped me immensely . I am attaching one of my favourite clips by Dan Seigel’s
This is the intention of my rationale for advocating connectedness to our own selves . Being connected to ourselves means we acknowledge our positives and accept all of our weaknesses and our strengths. This allows us to also make social choices that are important to us . We learn to gravitate towards people and experiences that bring out the best in us.
So being connected to our selves and knowing ourselves really well is the first step towards being socially astute and emotionally intelligent.
So what are things that excite you -make you happy –
what unsettles you ??
-Talking to a trusted friend helps
Make a plan that is comforting
Choose a positive thought – a happy thought leads to a happy feeling which leads to a kind and happy action
My example : I find driving on new roads very unsettling – I either make a plan to be supported in the task – like being open and asking for help or find an alternative pathway … it always helps –
So let’s get that one step closer to a positive mindset -we always have the power to choose the way we think …
“Your beliefs become your thoughts your thoughts become words- your words become actions- your actions become habits , your habits become your values , your values become your destiny.” – Mahatma Gandhi