My dear readers ….Parenthood came very very early – way before I was even prepared ….. this is how it has been for me. The intention of sharing this post … is regardless of your age – please be extra kind to yourself …… and seek support only from those who trust love and care for you. My primary support for me then was my cherished co-parent – dad to my boys – for this I am and will be eternally grateful. ❤️🌟My mum was always amazingly available 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 and then last but not the least kudos to my own resilience 😉☀️
What made my early journey into parenthood dangerously dauntingly tough … I was young and not informed enough of the various challenges that babies have when growing up …. as a young naive adult I was incredibly sensitive and had a tendency to be easily frightened or worried ….( includes – sadness, fear and anger) . I also had this insatiable need and passion to be fiercely independent and protective of what was mine. I was constantly…. striving through everyday challenges that extended way outside of my parenting realm .
Coming to my context- as a family -we lived with the boys` paternal grandmother. This ofcourse is not new to me, I had my paternal grandmother right from my infancy to my adulthood. My grandmother to this day remains my primary role model – she was consistently loving kind and incredibly gracious.
So why then was this difficult ??? I look back then and sharing it with you without any resentment -all in the now….. This is my perspective ….Learning to say – “thank you but no” was difficult and when I finally found the courage to begin to say this …. I realised I was fighting a belief system within my own home – that was not used to hearing this …..
Lessons learnt …..
- Learning to say no to what does not sound right or safe to you -remains an individual right to each of us and our individual wellness and family wellness.
- Parenthood does not come easy at all – babies and children fall unwell – throw tantrums -give you sleepless nights – refuse to eat- and can drive us bonkers at any given time !!!! so there is no predictability or order in any of this….. Living with any extended family can happen only when constructive and respectful boundaries are in place – with absolutely no room for judgement or comparisons.
- Effectiveness around communications will always be impacted when you are in an anxiety mode – refer to my writing on brain and wellness. However when you feel trapped in a context and you are not able to articulate the chaos…. it is very okay to take ownership of the feeling of discomfort and begin to take action …… and move to a place of wellness and safety- How ??- Seek help from people you trust; do not be afraid to talk about the discomfort ; and find the strength to continue to do the things that make you smile….
Regardless of all of the challenges – cherished moments with my now adult sons…always make me smile ….
Here now some delightful lines from Rumi… You were born with potential -You were born with goodness and trust -You were born with ideals and dreams -You were born with greatness- You were born with wings- You are not meant for crawling so don`t – You have wings – Learn to use them and fly