A note for the last day of this year….πŸ€πŸŒŸ

Greetings on the last day of 2022- hope it has been a year that saw each of you through the happy and not so happy times. This year has been good one for me, despite having lost a much-loved aunt too soon. For me I also embraced with goodness and gratitude, that I was able to fly down to India to be with my family and my friends. This year 2022 marked the beginning of the post pandemic era- allowed for travel, connections and reunions.

As I finished my walk with my dearly beloved Olive at the most beautiful and lush green Cornwall Park, I made a note to myself to check in with you all. The topic that I write today is about making peace in letting go of connections that no longer serve a purpose. This issue is something that we all encounter at some point in our lives.

How do we know when relationships no longer serve a purpose

So, you might query, how do we know when relationships no longer serve a purpose – We know that by how we tend to feel in the company of some ; connections are meant to lift us up and make us feel lighter and not the other way around.  Here are some guidelines or cues that you might instinctively feel

  • Relationship always seem to be one sided
  • There is no longer a rapport that you once shared
  • You tend to have some comments thrown your way that make you feel at a loss
  • An element of control – where your movements or activities are questioned
  • You feel judged
  • You no longer feel heard or understood
  • There`s no evidence of lightness in your connection
  • Everything always seems arduous

In my journey thus far, the most valuable learning that I am keen to share is that the core function of the brain is relational– so…. The quality of our personal wellbeing and social life is much much much dependent on the company we keep and the connections we make.

Some brainfacts: I have referred to this in my previous blogs the brain is connected to the head – it helps us think, the brain is connected to our heart (so its vital that we keep up with company that delights us and warms our spirit). The brain s also connected to our gut- so if you are in company of some that get your feelings to go down south then the impact of those emotions, also hit the gut. So be mindful and take personal responsibility in setting boundaries and / or letting go.

Letting go of some connections can be daunting – there is also a certain sense of fear and ambiguity in setting those boundaries or making a decision to completely let go , for – many a times these are folks who might have known you for an incredibly long time . And that can be quite an inhibiting factor or a barrier

But please do believe that it can be done and the reward is most gratifyingπŸ€πŸ˜ŠπŸŒŸπŸŒŸβ˜€οΈ

 As you go through the process

Be patient with yourself

Check in with your inner value system

Learn to tell yourself that the intention here is to

Honour the self, the values that you cherish and to

Walk towards the vision that each of us have , for the

The ultimate need is to give, to connect and to serve

Each of us can do this – in little ways or large ways

So, it is perfectly okay to

Let go of what no longer aligns with your vision and allows you to serve with purpose…

Here`s to new beginnings –that  lifts your wairua , warms your heart , lightens your gait  

Wishing you all an amazing 2023 !πŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸ’š

Let’s remember to be kind , creative and constructive…

Kia Ora dear readers as we begin to feel the breath of the sinner month -…. although , for the past week the sun seems to have taken an indecisive stance πŸ˜³β˜€οΈπŸ˜Š ….

Much of the work that I do is about helping clients to think better , feel better and do better which is not always easy . Emotions play a huge role in how we think – how we feel and what we do …

So what does one do when feelings and emotions take over abd when things feel incredibly tough and the journey becomes arduous .….

Here is the step by step process

Name the feeling

Acknowledge the feeling – lean into it

Use self talk to say β€œ I am feeling sad or I am feeling exhausted or it can also be I am feeling angry

Lean into the feeling as you use self talk

Then stay with that feeling

Be incredibly gentle and patient with yourself

Give yourself a time limit to stay with that sadness – it can be 5 min or 20 min ….

However then remind yourself that it is okay to feel that way I do – I am now going to do the next best thing for myself and then choose to do something kind or creative or constructive and you will notice that the feelings will begin to wane and you will make the shift to a happier place

Being kind to yourself can look like choosing to make yourself a hot drink or a warm meal or be in the midst of something or someone that fills you will kindness and compassion πŸ₯—πŸ€πŸ‘―

Being creative looks like making a meal or drawing a picture or writing a kind note to yourself πŸ–ŒοΈπŸ–ΌοΈ

Being constructive looks like talking to a friend – making a list of your goals or taking a walk or reading a book πŸ“š

Wishing you all a wonderful Tuesday – here’s to more kindness , more creativity and steps towards constructive living ☘️🌟

Much love

Checking in from off-shore πŸŒΏ

Greetings to my dear readers …I am here in India now – whilst grateful for time with my family , I feel twice as blessed to continue to do my mahi πŸ€βš“οΈ

Many a times I get absorbed in discussions relating to trauma – the impact of trauma and the pathways towards healing … it’s been raining here , and as I finished a discussion , I felt the need to make this the topic of today’s writing 🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿

About the first image that got my attention at the Waiheke sculpture trail β˜˜οΈπŸŒΊπŸ€πŸŒΏ

Some questions that come my way

1. How do we redirect adolescents and young people – who constantly push boundaries ??

⁃ Find ways of affirming the young person’s identify

⁃ Create a concrete visual where they are reminded of their own strengths and talents

⁃ Create a visual that affirms their identity to themselves

⁃ Write to them or make a visual that affirms their sense of belonging to your family

⁃ Connectedness , belonging and relationship is the core – so give messages that helps them understand that very clearly

⁃ Use words and set up visuals around the home – celebrating relationships and connections facilitate relational wealth

⁃

Connect πŸ’•

⁃ Help them to choose 2-3 values

⁃ Make a visual booklet of how the young people can practise their values on themselves – to those around and to extended community

⁃ Create a game / a set of cards with personalised questions such as

⁃ – what are your strengths

⁃ What would you like to be remembered for

⁃ What makes you smile

SMILEβ˜€οΈπŸ€

⁃ What are the feeling you get when you smile 😊

⁃ What makes you kind

⁃ When do you practise kindness

⁃ Name the feelings that make you smile

⁃ Name the feelings that make you offbeat

– Name one or two of your favourite people –

– Name a famous petson you like – what values that they practise makes you admire them – kindness , honesty , bravery ???

⁃ What are your chosen values

⁃ How do you practice your values

⁃ Have words that Affirm or praise their strengths

⁃ Where do you see yourself in 3 years’ time

⁃ What would you like to be doing in 3 years’ time

⁃ What are you doing to get there ??

Cognitive strategies such as the aforesaid helps with thinking – cognitive skills excercise the cortical part of the brain called the thinking brain

Making Music 🎼🌟

οΏΌ

However for the thinking brain to work – the feeling brain has to be in a state of calm

🌿About the feeling brain πŸ€

The feeling brain is also called the stem or the primitive brain

⁃ some ways to help us all to embrace the calm

⁃ Engage in breathwork – breathe in to the count of two – hold for two counts and breathe out to the count of 4

⁃ Do stretches

⁃ Move as often as you can

– Be in the midst of nature

πŸ’™ Blue and green πŸ€

⁃ Read your favourite story

⁃ Talk to someone you trust

⁃ Draw -find out what your favourite colour is

πŸ€Compassion βš“οΈπŸ€

⁃ Most important

⁃ Let’s engage and teach that

⁃ Learning to use calming skills is important for being able to think clear – make right choices and to choose actions that are kind , appropriate and safe

β€œ As you think so you become” – Wayne Dyer

Love – kindness – Joy

Here is an amazing resource where two great minds (Oprah and Dr.Bruce Perry ) discuss Dr.Perry’s book – What happened to you ?

https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/oprahs-super-soul/id1264843400?i=1000518893926

Thank you for giving me a reason to connect 😊

Arohanui

Navigating towards…. β›΅οΈβš“οΈπŸŒŸ

To my dear readers

Hope you are working on/ towards your individual wellness …. The insight that comes from working through your/ our challenges is that – it allows us to be more in tune and connected to the things, the people and the experiences that helped in getting thus far .

I am now on travel mode to be with my family and friends in India and also to complete some mahi (work ) that needs to be done here. My purpose as an advocate for wellness and the luxury of time are factors that have inspired me to write today. The intention for today’s post is to share principles of acceptance that help toward betterment of our emotional states

The universal law is that all of us experience / face some challenges at any given time . How we respond to these challenges is what matters . I learnt about a clever formula that applies al time . This is how it goes

Event + Response = impacts the outcome ☘️

When we experience difficulties we are overcome by surge of emotions – thoughts abd feelings . Not knowing yo manage these feelings can result in tending to ways that are unhealthy and unsafe – such as addictions to food / alcohol , irritability , procrastination abd a generic feeling of unrest abd disease-. The trick lies in learning to manage these feelings and emotions

An easy formula from Dr. Russ Harris is using the ACE method

Acknowledge : your thoughts and feelings – wheh reminded of the event – name your thoughts and feelings

Connect : to your body – be aware of changes that you feel – address the sensations abd calm using touch – hold your palms together – give yourself a brief Pat abd check in

Engage : Engage with what gives you comfort or distraction from right where you are …. Look around for colours that you see . Think of and look for words that fill you with calm and sounds that resonate with peace – ( use a bell , the sound of birds abd music that takes you to a different place …) ; if you are a nature lover feel the texture of pebbles and take notice of smells that are nurturing and tastes that gives comfort … hold on to objects memories and experiences that remind you of safety , wellness and peace .

& let’s teach ourselves to do this repeatedly πŸ˜ŠπŸ€

With much love πŸ’•

Wellness for when feeling alone …..

Dear readers,

The intention of today`s post is to share my thoughts on loneliness – it is probably less spoken about than it should be – yet we all experience ” feeling lonely” or dealing with the stoicism that comes when living by oneself. In the work that I do, I hear from people in all age groups – young , middle-aged, senior and all walks of life who experience feeling alone from time to time,

Loneliness is also a universal human emotion – we feel it when our children have left and are independent ; we feel it when we move to a new place or a new country and there is also loneliness experienced in unhappy relationships .

It is okay to feel alone or lonely – this is a phase of life. It is not okay however, to feel this way all of the time,

Why ??? – we as humans are social creatures and we thrive when we recognise that the core function of our brains and heart is relational – it is about seeking out and forming connections that allow us to flourish and being in relationships that help us thrive – give , share , love , know and be known.

For those, who are apprehensive about forming those connections here are some small steps to develop a sense of belonging and connection – where you can slowly explore being a part of a group. It can be a book club, a walking group , a yoga practice or a singing group -this is a small stepping stone that facilitates belonging and connection

Fostering connectedness with family , friends who you have made and known through work or study and meeting with people you have met through shared interests and making this a regular part of your life is another way of nurturing relational connectedness

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Being known and understood by those whom we share a close connection adds dollops of wellness – for some the close connection is a spouse and for many others the close connection comes from family- it maybe be your children , your parents or extended family – or friends who replace family. Being known and understood is nurturing and validates a basic need that allows for resilience and growth .

What are some ways to bring in the right kind of people into your social and immediate circle

The principles that I have written about in my previous blogs come to play here too

Know your self really well – do a flow chart on your strengths and weaknesses

Identify 3 values that are close to your heart – it can be – kindness, respect, love , compassion, honesty…..

Check in with yourself as to how you practise those values on you/ self and on those around you

Participate in activities , volunteer in places where you get to implement these values

The more you do this – you will see – a connectedness with your self

The more connected you are with yourself , you allow for like minded people to become your friends…….your connections and your lifelong cheerleaders

I have learnt that to be with those I like is enough ……- Walt Whitman

Regal Wellness

Kia Ora dear readers,

Whatever life throws at our way,our individual responses will be able to make us stronger ,for walking through and sharing the load” Queen Elizabeth II

The intention of today`s writing is to share insights of what I know of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the II – the longest serving monarch and the learning that we could take from her long and well lived life. I write this on two accounts from a personal and global perspective – as a global citizen I write here with conviction that Grace and Wisdom come as a Light and a Blessing.

On a personal note, Queen`s passing felt just a little more personal as her passing was on the same day as my beloved grandmother – who also lived like a queen, lived long, emanated grace, wisdom and died most peacefully with family by her side. As a global citizen I am in awe of the consistency of how Her Majesty served her nation and connected to the rest of the world.   As a wellness practitioner I am compelled to write on this – the Queen followed through with all of the steps that welcomes wellness and wisdom; she emanated Grace in the way she served tirelessly and in the manner of how she connected with humanity.

It was reported that she always made sure that people feel comfortable in her presence. That quality is a mark of steadfast greatness. Opulence, and wealth are transient – the connections we make and the impact of how we connect – how we make people feel is the highest mark of social and emotional intelligence. So here – lets be conscious of how we choose to be present , connect and make people feel

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy. Rabindranath Tagore

The words we use becomes the script of how we create our reality – on her 21st birthday she announced β€œI declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service …………” We know for sure that she did this to perfection right -until the day before her passing –her smile, her presence and her dedication to serve was a hallmark of greatness.

The Queen`s love for dogs – and the sheer delight and joy that she shared openly in being with her beloved dogs will always be remembered. The numerous snapshots with her dogs and her love for horses reflect her warmth, and radiance and the joy that she took in being in the company of her pets.  Her time with her pets reinforces the constant that the unconditional love of animals -especially dogs bestow the best of wellness to all of humanity. The personal anecdotes of those closest to her reflects that she made time to connect even with the tiny tots of her family. Hearing more of these anecdotes of Her Majesty on her final farewell  has been historical , splendid –a lesson in anthropology – and the rainbows that lit up the skies – in places that she called home -bestowed a sense of awe and respect to the departed soul.  

β€œThat you are here

That life exists and identity

That the powerful play goes on

And you may contribute a verse” – Walt Whitman

This being a reminder to all of us that no matter what personal and professional lives demand of us, making times for the cherished connections paves the way for a culture of togetherness, love and much much more.

Lets find small ways to serve the community – and contribute to greater good – offering time , sharing your knowledge , using kind words to help someone feel better, also goes into the umbrella of service.

When being present or speaking to someone –

Be aware of the use of words, tone of voice

The words we choose becomes a script for our lives

Use detail – remember something about another – that makes them feel better for it

Use body language that is gentle , and assuring

When taking leave or finishing a conversation – pause and

Finish with warmth and generosity of spirit

We are not all to the manor born –

 however, in the way we choose to be

we can leave footprints on the sands of time that

Resonates with the ethos of

 Greatness, Grace,

Wellness and Wisdom

Towards greater goodness and peace ,

Much love

Towards Peace πŸ€ Joy β˜€οΈ Courage🌟

Today I write about choosing peaceπŸ€happiness / joy β˜€οΈand courage 🌟

πŸ€One from the sculpture trail πŸ€πŸ’™

These values make up the core of how we embrace meaningful living on a day to day basis

The very essence of living well and the sole purpose of life well lived is to be able to

Live in peace –

Engage with joy and

Choose to be brave when fear and apprehension threatens to take hold of oureasoning πŸ‘

Wellness walk πŸ€

How do we begin the process of choosing peace -joy and courage πŸ€πŸŒŸβ˜€οΈ

Knowing home truths helps … πŸ’™

Thiruvalluvar – πŸŒŸβ˜€οΈβ˜€οΈβ˜€οΈ

Our brain health and physical health is largely influenced by the way we choose to think and process out thoughts and feelings 🎼☘️

Our actions reflect the nature of our thoughts – our beliefs about ourselves and choices that we make . πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€

So how do we begin to cultivate the habit of thinking well and feeling well – how do we let our actions be guided by the power of good thoughts – good beliefs ….. πŸ’™

Here are some ways to invite feelings that resonate with joy and peace and courage

⁃ Take time to reflect πŸ’™

Insight into brain science – brain health – wellness πŸŒŸπŸ€πŸ’™

⁃ Study and understand some basic facts on brain science πŸ€

⁃ For example knowing that anger , sadness and fear create an imbalance in the way our brain works 🌺

⁃ Negative feelings promote toxins and hormonal changes that are not conducive for good health β˜€οΈ

⁃ Take time to choose values that are important for you πŸ€

Affirming words πŸ’™

⁃ Choosing values and being guided by our values add meaning and purpose to our lives πŸ‘πŸ½

⁃ Value based living guides us in managing our thoughts and emotions 🎸

⁃ Invest in wellness – embrace self care , Excercise . Music and Reading

⁃ Begin each day with intention – ask yourself what is your goal for the day- write it down and go with itπŸ‘

⁃ Take tiny steps of courage β˜€οΈ

Lion King 😊

⁃ If things make you wary begin to explore why – take small steps towards what seems daunting 🌟

⁃ Use the help of loved ones- family – Friends you trust and mentors to talk /discuss πŸ€

⁃ Read books that are informative πŸ’™

Love of books

⁃ Practise breath work everyday

⁃ Choose kindness and compassion to yourself and those around you β˜€οΈ

⁃ Write down sayings that resonate with good thoughts and good feelings ☘️

⁃ Serve others – it always gives bountiful joy 🎼☘️

⁃ Knowledge is instructive and helps us to know and when we choose πŸ€πŸ€β˜€οΈ

⁃ Intention – we empower ourselves to transform any experience that is challenging β˜˜οΈπŸ€

⁃ It is really about accepting that life is fascinating and complex – things happen beyond our control πŸ’™

β€œ a thing of beauty is Joy forever β€œ

⁃ We cannot change the past nor know the future 🌺

⁃ When we choose to live each moment with Peace Joy and Courage

⁃ The presence is the only reality

Faith πŸ€

⁃ We teach ourselves that the gift of life is in the present moment πŸ€β˜€οΈπŸŒŸβ€οΈβ˜˜οΈ

With much love β€οΈβ˜€οΈβ˜˜οΈ

Of memories- beliefs and wellness …..

Kia Ora to you all

I nearly missed making an input for my blog this month -however the discussions I had with my clients and with some of my fellow humans has inspired me to add to my writings. The work that I do and the books that support my experience – has been hugely helpful in teaching me to identify emerging patterns of behaviour within myself and with those around me. I am grateful for this learning and it is a privilege to be able to share….

The intention of today` s writing -is looking at our irritabilities and discontent from a perspective of our childhood experiences. Most of us have a pattern of how we engage with ourselves and with our fellow humans- be it family, friends or our work community.

Positive memories:  It is worthwhile to make time to sit down and write down – what gives  joy –  earliest memories of feeling brave and cherished – and what makes us smile in peace .

Not so positive: On that same note – make time and space to write down what creates sadness -memories that resonate with loss, our earliest memories of anger, guilt, shame, resentment and then images that instil a sense of fear.

Be informed that each of us as individuals – we are a sum total of our happy memories and our not so happy memories. The combination of memories – makes up for our experiences and the perception and beliefs/ world views that we have about ourselves and about the world that we live in….

Here are some ways to address irritabilities that show up unexpectedly….

So when we recognise the hint of irritability or resentment or anger or disappointment – we can manage and win – when we learn to go back to those early memories when we felt these emotions at varying levels. Learn to teach yourself that those memories belong to the past –

The emotions you feel now stem from how you responded to a situation from the past. It comes from a deficit belief system that – β€œI am not enough” – I am not in control and / or it is my fault

  1. The not so positive memories unfortunately go on to build our deficit belief systems.
  2. Deficit belief system comes from how we have learnt to think about ourselves -based on some of our not so positive experiences.
  3. Nurture the truth that our individual perceptions need not necessarily be true.

You might have been a child where you had little control or you might have been in circumstances that were difficult to set right- use forgiveness and acceptance on self

Use kind language to teach the self that there are plentiful choices now

We do not have to respond in the same way we did then – because each of us are here in the present moment and in the NOWπŸ’™

The present moment has plentiful opportunities – the present moment has plethora of possibilities and the present moment is a GIFTβ˜€οΈ

Use it to fill up your cup- where you feel sadness- replace it with joy – do simple things that give you joy – do it everyday and delight in the emotion of JOY❀️

Where you feel anger – replace it with peace – do things that fill you with contentment and do this everydayπŸ€

Where you feel fear- choose courage – go and take small steps that make you feel brave and proud and strong- try this everyday 🌟

When you have the choice between being right and being kind just choose kind- Wayne Dyer

Arohanui

Wellness – an immigrant’s perspective on using the present moment πŸ€

Kia Ora my dear readers …

Abel Tasman Walk …

I am delighted to be writing to you all – at this moment

I have enjoyed my time away in India

Connecting to family

Friends

Soulful food

Traditions

and now looking forward to being home again πŸŒŸπŸ˜ƒ

From one of the walkabouts …,😊

The intention of my writing today is to share an immigrant perspective of living in a land that is now home and leaving a land that also feels like home…. πŸ€πŸ˜Š

Godzone

Snapshot of the Abel Tasman walk πŸŽΈβ˜€οΈπŸ‘πŸ½

Aotearoa NZ is home as this is where I have

Created a history of 25 years πŸ‘πŸ½β€οΈwith my then young family -our moments together –

Milestones we made –

Education -my sons and I accessed –

Pets we loved and raised –

The connections made –

Our memories

Travels across this amazing terrain

Our cross cultural journey –

Lessons in the rich bicultural traditions of

A country that I fondly call home πŸ€πŸŒŸβ€οΈπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š

Every time I look at the blue of the sea

The stretch of the hills

Staunch mountains and the

Undulating greens -I am in awe …

I am persistently reminded of God – Faith – and Connections

I remain grateful that my work here

Fulfills my need to serve others

Facilitating pathways towards betterment in individual wellness πŸ€

πŸ€Childhood ❀️😊

In one of my next check ins I will endeavor to make note of why India remains and will always be close to my heart β€οΈπŸ€πŸ˜Š

πŸ€Ganpath 🌟

When one has two places that mean home –

there is so much to be grateful for – yet there is a hint of wariness that sets in and makes me wonder …, if I can ever choose

where would I rather be ….

I really don’t have the answer for it just yet

What I do know for sure is

Even when the heartstrings tug ….

The present moment is

the only gift that remains with each of us

So let’s strive to

Think well

Feel well &

Do well at each given moment …,πŸŒŸβ€οΈπŸ˜„

St. Francis of Assisi – saint and advocate for peace πŸŽΌπŸ€

Faith πŸ€

Family πŸŒŸπŸ’™β€οΈπŸ€β˜€οΈ

Connections πŸš²πŸŽΌπŸŽΈβ˜˜οΈπŸ€βš½οΈπŸΈ

Service is what πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ€πŸ˜ŠπŸ™

Instills purpose

Takes hold and

Leads

Towards individual and collective wellness πŸ€πŸ‘πŸŽΌπŸ‘πŸ½πŸŒŸ

With much love πŸ€

A note from my hometown

The intention of my writing today is to inform my readers of the essence of emotional intelligence

Renowned Tamil Poet Thiruvalluvar πŸ€

Emotional intelligence is about

1. Maintaining a balance between varying emotions amidst the course of our life time ( aaah yesπŸ˜¬πŸ˜€πŸŒŸ) and then

2. Being able to communicate to our fellow humans in a way that is mutually effective and constructive – across spectrum of life events and experiences ..

3. Using social skills – the ability to get along with everyone – at any given moment when when things aren’t going my or your way

Am writing this from my home town of Coimbatore – it’s been great being here – wonderful to see my mother and whanau after 3 years – few of my friends and then the fun and the rest 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟❀️

What caught my attention is that the ever changing fabric of society –

the social – cultural – political influence that has an impact on our belief systems and the choices we make each day β˜€οΈ

Our genetic make up maybe a primary component – of who we are

But it is each of our individual and shared experiences that takes predominance in the making of each of us

Emotionally intelligent or emotionally insensitive

Socially adept or awkward

Being effective or being brash

Yet what brings a smile is ….. fascinating aspect of society lies in it”s inconsistency – encapsulated by the plethora of differences – a sound attribute of emotional intelligence lies in accepting that it takes all sorts to make the world go round πŸ˜πŸ™

Man is made by his belief –
as he believes so is he -Gita πŸ€

Finishing with an Obama quote that caught my eye – Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world -🌟❀️