Greetings to you all for the month of December – and we are here now at the last month of 2023. The month felt solemn as I said an unexpected goodbye to my precious Fern –a Golden retriever who had joined our family more than 12 years ago.
💚after a walk 🍀💚
I am still sad and perhaps never would have been ready to say farewell. The remnants of sadness might always be there…. However, ….!
Fern has been most gentle, affirming and loving companion anyone could ever wish for … am so grateful for the joy, love and the plentiful abundance that came with having Fern as my pet and cherished member of my home and family.
On the same note the intention for today`s writing is to share the power of gratitude
💚Believe in magic 🍀
Gratitude serves as an anchor an internal compass of wisdom
Hones our awareness around the things we enjoy, anticipate and cherish
Paves the way for more of what feels light – easy and joyful
Strengthens our resolve to look at the bright side and
Nudges us to choose the wellness script –
Our cup is half full and all is well …
Take some time to look back at the past 12 months
Write down the highs – make note of the lows too
Give thanks to moments that made you smile- promise more of it to you
Acknowledge moments and memories that were difficult
Write down the teaching points from the difficult moments that are now thankfully in the Past
Learn from it – be in the now –prioritise and take action – Be Present
Now affirm your wisdom, give thanks and keep moving towards immense amazing possibilities for the Future
⭐️Memories 💕
Have a light hearted, loving and delightful festive season
Intention : To my dear readers – hope you are making the most of the rain by engaging in some form of self care that brings in the smile …… The intention of this post is to elaborate on pathways towards healing from trauma ….
What inspired my writing today – This piece of my writing stems from some of queries that I have had from the people I work with – is trauma permanent ??or am I going to be ok – will I always feel this way…….. and the answer is of course not …..
Evidence based research indicates that following through with our healing journey , getting support and and working on ourselves consistently leads to Post traumatic growth or Post traumatic wisdom
Pathways to healing
Healing from trauma comes from owning our stories
Owning our stories helps us to get rid of feelings shame and guilt which are fear based responses characteristic of trauma….
Pathways can become clearer when we foster an understanding of how our brain works
Our brain stem (the primitive brain) or the autonomous nervous system has an inherent need to feel safe – self -regulation or learning to calm the brain stem happens when we engage in physical exercise
The more we engage in activities that make us feel safe and bring us calm the faster the pace of healing
While the impact of trauma is long lasting it need not be permanent.
Our critical or the thinking brain has the ability to change – the change is dependent on the kind of activities we engage with , supportive people that we meet work and healthy habits that we inculcate in our day to day living
Develop a rhythm in your day to day living – Routine , predictability and adding structure to our day brings in healing
“The roots of health are rhythm and regulation. When you mix in attentive, responsive, and nurturing caregiving, the roots and trunk of our brain’s Tree of Regulation are being organized” – Dr.Bruce Perry
Keep a check on feelings that include sadness, anger and fear – talk to people who are supportive- whenever possible read , listen to music, dabble with art and connect with nature
Thoughts , feelings and actions are connected – so learning to keep a check on the nature of thoughts is conducive to healing – Keeping a schedule and setting a programme of what we do each day helps in keeping thoughts light and positive. – be loving and kind to yourself ALWAYS
” If you have the ability to love , love yourself first” – David Brooks
Fill up your day with activities that bring in meaning , contentment and joy
Address any emotional pain through seeking help –it takes courage to ask for help
Work with supportive people around values that add meaning to your life – values can be service , kindness , safety , love , honesty
Find reasons to connect with those who practise your values – find ways of connecting with people who show an understanding of who you are – find ways of being heard and seen – this can happen by joining groups / clubs to play sport , go for walks or read books.
Volunteer when you can – engage with empathy ; pets are great for healing too.
Engage in activities where you practise kindness, love and affirmations on self
Practise writing affirmations – maintain a visual journal or an art journal that makes your smile
Give thanks to little things that light you up – the sun, the stars or a smile from a friend
The more we show patience kindness and love to self ,the greater the chance of connecting to others with patience and kindness and love
Post Traumatic Growth or Post Traumatic Wisdom happens- when we engage in the aforesaid repeatedly , we allow ourselves to heal, flourish and continue forth on our wellness journey ….
Hope with all sincerity that this writing brings you comfort and strength in all that you do today ….
The long weekend was a welcome break for those of us in Aotearoa – the land of the long white cloud. The air was somehow warm and cool, as sun shone both bright and gentle- and there seemed to be an aura of kindness and mirth as the weekend unfolded. I had a few highlights – one being a walk exploring the mixed terrain of Karangahape gorge; a dinner catches up with my friends and then completing a good read. Of course as I finished the book, I made a note to myself that I will share snippets from what I read….
Rationale : the book is evidence based, the subject resonates close to the ethos of how I do life and work; I share with the intention that the points discussed here will add meaning and wellness to your personal and professional journeys….The authors are the erudite Arthur Brooks in collaboration with the esteemed Oprah Winfrey. Arthur teaches happiness at Harvard; Oprah`s resplendence is a testament – to how she is forever empowering and transforming herself and others to do their best in life.
Values – Faith , trust , patience 💚🍀
A snippet of the key concepts
– Carving a life that is about being happier – as we move through the phases of our lives
– Being Happier is about knowing ourselves and our emotions truly well
– Accepting that unhappiness is an inherent aspect of our lives and moving forward by embracing emotions and choosing actions that bring us meaning joy, and sense of contentment; We all have aspects of our lives that have some level of unhappiness – the more one accepts the concept the more likely we allow for an increase in our adaptability and willingness in
– Instilling a sense of awareness to our thought processes – how we think – the nature of our thoughts – the thoughts to choose and thoughts to let go
🙌Half full 🎶
– Embracing and taking note of the positives
– Remembering that faith, friends, family and work that serves a purpose are the pillars of life
– Holding on to a belief system or Faith – works like an anchor – allows you to step back and have perspective to things that happen sometimes – that is beyond our control
– Connecting to friends that create the social fabric that paves pathways to meaning and joy – Sharing and looking out for one another – the trick is about looking for real friends who turn up just for you!!
🌻Connections 👯♀️
– Navigating with Family – the authors emphasise on the age- old notion we don`t get to choose the family; family also means tricky corners to navigate through conflict; but he says the price of love also is about holding on to those connections… whenever possible of course
– Building purpose – Work – feeds our lives with meaning – it instils in us a sense of awareness
– Giving thanks to all that is good – celebrating gratitude is about adding to the wellness and “happier” quotient
– Looking through a lens that goes beyond ourselves with the intention to share, to love, to believe, to belong and to build a Happier Us …
–
💚art from my travel 💚
– So grateful for having read this book and my heart feels a little fuller in being able to share this with you all-💚🙏
I am delighted to connect with you , in the beautiful month of September. Hope you have had a neat week, doing the things that give you meaning and joy. I have tried my best to develop a routine at the gym and I call this as a work in progress. Part of the inspiration for today’s post is from Dr.Peter Attia’s – wealth of information- a book called Outlive .
☀️Keep reading 💚
The intention of today’s post is to elaborate on ways that we can keep our balance and calm working towards better wellness
Feelings are impacted by a number of variables such as the events in the day , thoughts , memories, and also depends on the level of wellness that we feel in out body.
Feelings can also be impacted by what we eat – what we do and how we respond to the people , reminders and events that come by our way
💚💙
Feelind are emotional -fluid , subjective, transient- go north or south depending on the occurrences of any given day. They have the potential to leave us tired , lost and overwhelmed .
Learning to manage our feelings can be done consciously . However it is not the case when things become too overwhelming.
An ideal way of managing feelings comes when we set a large window of calm or space and call it rightfully ours.
It is about making a regular habit of being in that space that feels safe – where we feel strong, true and well
About knowing ourselves really well – what we really like and what we want to get out from our day to day living
“The journey is not so much about becoming anything – maybe its about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”- Paulo Coelho
🎶🎼Music in the making 🍀
It is about working on activities that facilitate calm
1. Including some form of excercise every single day
2. Being informed that movement invites feelings of wellness
3. Maintaining a healthy diet
4. Accessing professional support to navigate through tricky thoughts and feelings
5. Having good sleep hygiene
6. Being informed that feelings influence thoughts and thoughts influence actions
7. Setting an intention for each day –
8. Having an awareness that exercise, creativity and intent – help in managing feelings
9. Having a routine
10. Making music a part of your routine
11. Choosing 2-3 values for example kindness, integrity and respect and using those values in all of your actions that you take up for the day
12. Being extra kind to self
13. And when low feelings creep up – do abrief check in and ask yourself – if those feelings serve a ourpose
14. Having a chosen number of people you trust and be choosy on who you invite into your safe space
15. Embracing acceptance
16. Knowing your strengths
17. Being unafraid of of what feels challenging
18. Asking for help
19. Taking up a hobby- reading , walking , pets, art
20. Taking small steps of courage
21. Being mindful that when you choose to live by your values – it is easier to keep moving head …,
🍀Perspectives …. ☀️
Values stay with us
Values serve as an anchor
Values serve a Purpose
Values lead us to a life of contentment , Offer meaning and Help us move forward
Keeping the focus
On greater good
” Nothing beats kindness- it sits beyond all things “- Charlie Mackesy
I am here briefly in India visiting family – I am grateful to have read a book that aligned with my interest in social connectedness , values and wellness
The intent of today’s post is to share with you perspectives that you might find useful in your wellness journey.
Grateful for books 🍀
The book shares insight into principles of Adlerian psychology .
I felt compelled to share some insights into Adler’s principles for the following reasons
Human behaviour is socially embedded and has social meaning. This relates well to the evidence that the core function of our brain is relational
👨👩👧👦Social Connections 👯🍀
He emphasized the value of social relationships and in being connected to others. Working on connections that help us thrive increases the likelihood of us being emotionally healthy. What drew me to Adler’s framework was the focus on purpose and values . Working on chosen values allows for a life that is rich in purpose and meaning
👏🏽Goodwill 🍀
I enjoyed his direction of categorizing our responsibilities as tasks –
Tasks for self
Tasks for work
Tasks for family / friends
Adler suggests working through the tasks based on our set of values and goodwill – so instead of seeking recognition he says “ do what suits you best according to your skills and values “
😊For the love of friendship💚
The teaching that stuck with me best- as much as social connections are , important we have to be led by our own values rather than always meeting the expectations of others 👏🏽😊
Hope you are keeping warm and well as we plod through the winter months –in the Southern Hemisphere. For those living in the Northern Hemisphere- make sure you keep hydrated and cool.
A recent illustration inspired by E.H.Shepherd & A.A.Milne ☀️
I have just finished the book Covenant of Water by Abraham Varghese – a story about faith and resilience and delving into my next book Jay Shetty`s celebrated Think like a monk. I stumbled upon this passage on relationships and decided to make it the highlight of my blog today
Visual on the story of resilience 🍀
The intent of today`s post is to write on the topic of relationships – and the rationale for it being the core of our wellbeing has everything to do with the level of social connections that we intend to make, to have and maintain on a day to day basis.
5 Ideas from the book- Think like a monk
Research indicates that longevity is related to the healthy connections that we have within the family and outside of the family; We stay connected to people in our lives either through shared interests, shared belief systems and values that pave the way for healthy social behaviours.
🍀Care 💚
The author writes on the matrix of social connections, We form connections with [people based on traits of competence, care, character and consistency. When we look at the matrix of our individual connections we are likely to find the following:
Competence : we relate to some connections on the basis of their knowledge and expertise thy hold on their respective fields -e.g. our mentors, authority figures -within or outside of family
Care: Then comes connections based on care – those who have our wellbeing as their core interest and purpose- our parent/s and people who have us in their hearts
Character We are that much richer when we are blessed with connections who work with strong moral and ethical values – can be friends or family
Consistency : People in our lives that are reliable , present and available when we need them
Make your own family: Diversity in connections can be a blessing when friends become the family. It does not necessarily mean resentment towards family – but it a choice that you make when your value system differs or when distance plays a role – it is creating the heathy space you need to grow and thrive with connections outside of your family.
Jean Dominique Martin – “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”-
Some people come into our lives as a welcome change or fulfill the need for a shift in energy levels
There are those that come in to our lives for a specific reason – there is a lesson to be learnt or a mini milestone of sorts to be achieved during the time we have them in our lives and then
We have those that are with you for the span of our lifetime
It is best for human connections to be considered a network of compassion and love – a component of life’s teachings, gifts and offerings meant for our learning, growth and wisdom. It is best to understand and accept that there will be movement in the connections we make, there will be fluidity within in the roles that people play in our lives and of course the role we play in people`s lives.
🍀Connections 🍵
Reflective exercise
Check in
Make a visual landscape pf your social connections
Who are your friends – on the basis of the traits the show – for competence, care, character and consistency
Identify those that are friends for a season, a reason or for life time
Check in to see how you have been a friend for a reason, a season or a lifetime to some one else
Be gentle in realizing that this is not about the label –instead knowing the landscape of your current social life can guide and cue you in your understanding that diversity of connections / healthy social connections – lead to life`s lessons that include fun, support, friendships and love
Hope you are keeping well and warm if you live in the southern hemisphere as I do🌻😊
On a beautiful winters day , 2023…..
I love winter so this time of the year is something that I always look forward to -for those who are wary of winter , it’s best to remember the words of the Renaissance poet Shelley , “if winter’s here can spring be far behind.”
It rains often here in Auckland and it is mandatory to keep our hearts open and spirits warm.💚💙
The intention of my post today is to share a skill referred to as the REST 🌸
The kowhai ☀️
It is a strategy that incorporates mindfulness and cognitive (thinking skills ) tools to help to navigate through thoughts and memories that sometimes can be intrusive 🐒
REST is about using the following
1. Relax, 2. Evaluate ,3.Set intention 4. Take action
Relax : So when reminded of something that is disturbing or when feeling triggered learn to – Relax and stay in the moment – choose the moment to be aware of your thoughts – hold on to something or thought that is calming and just be present 🍀
Embrace more if nature , art, music and excercise
☀️Nurture 💚
Evaluate : Ask yourself , why you are feeling triggered or fearful – be compassionate towards yourself and use expansive kindness on the self ask yourself what would you like to do about it🌸use acceptance and plentiful kindness when evaluating your context 💙
💚💚💚
Set Intention : write down what you would like to achieve that is value based – around your values – for example
how would you like to progress in two years ‘ time
What values would you like to use to get to where you want to go – it might be around giving up an addiction , or might be around contributing to community or staying connected to family
please note the minute you work around values , emotions takes a step back .💚
The gift of absorption 💙
Take Action: Once you have done that work towards your intention
Begin with small steps
For example if you want to work towards connection to community through service , you begin by exploring opportunities to volunteer for an hour
If it is to address an eating problem or drinking problem you might begin by using distraction though walking , through making a routine for yourself by being with kind service minded people who would help you feel and do better , based on value of commitment and kindness ☀️🌸💕
Have a wonderful weekend and make it a priority to be extra kind and compassionate to yourselves and to your fellow citizens
I begin my work today with glimpses of the sun`s rays hitting sharply at my window pane – it feels right that I have chosen to connect with you all on the subject of happiness.
The intention here is to share the science of happiness with you all.
Happiness is a state of being when our feelings, thoughts and actions feel light and easy and are in coherence with each other.
Happiness influences the quality of our lives- It has the capability to instill in us a zest for living – paving the way for us to do better for ourselves and for those around us
Happiness is also about how well we know ourselves
How well we Understand our needs and fulfil pir aspirations
Happiness is about having your cups brimming to the full
Doing the things you love – Emanating kindness to yourselves and those around
☀️Joy of pets 💕🐶
Arthur Brooks, an eminent professor teaching Happiness in Harvard University has come out with a very clever equation to Happiness.
Enjoyment + Meaning + Satisfaction = Happiness
So, when you evaluate the level of happiness
Enjoyment – How much of enjoyment is there in the things that you do
Begin to add on things that feel like fun and bring in the smiles
💚Reasons to connect 👋🏼
Meaning or Purpose: Check in each day for the activities that serve a purpose – every little task counts
Examples
The purpose of walking is exercise
Purpose of eating out is for enjoying the flavors, connecting with loved ones
⚓️steadfastness of faith 🍀
Satisfaction is founded upon a belief system and values.
– is about feeling gratified that you have done well – we can get this when we connect with supportive family or with friends where we feel known; satisfaction can also come from the work –
When we know – our work is rewarded and that our work is helping people
I have elaborated simple facts on brain science in my previous blogs – one such fact is the brain helps us to think it helps us to move and it is connected to our head, heart and gut.
🙏Food thot gratifies 🥗
But the core function of the brain is relational. i.e.- the more we are connected to others and help others through work or play the better the happiness quotient and the quality of our lives.
Research indicates the more you engage in kindness,the more you stay connected- more you increase the levels of feel good hormones that improve health and wellbeing
Oxytocin in the name of the feel good hormones that add to our wellness quotient
When we look at some one in the eye and smile – we get a doze of oxytocin – by the way pets help with oxytocin too – of course dogs more than cats – according to the experts 😊
“The four pillars of happiness are faith, family, community and meaningful work- these are priorities that we have to keep investing in”- Arthur Brooks
On that note wishing you a light , easy and joyful Tuesday
Greetings to you all😊 Today I connect about a beautifully crafted book💙🦋🐬📚- gems of wisdom on transitions , acceptance , letting go and still feeling good 🌸
🌟Books emanate a certain sense of timelessness 😊
Bittersweet – an engaging read – the author writes on love and life within the context of uncertainty and change 🌈🌟
All of us have been through significant changes in our life & times that include beginnings , transitions , ending of friendships and or connections through mutual choice or by death🧚♀️🙏
She also writes that we go on to form new pathways and new connections that might not necessarily be better than what was lost or what was 😳
🍀a forever Moment 🌷
The author highlights that our lives will always have aspects that are fragmented and there will always be challenges 🌈
But what can transcend the challenges of uncertainty and allow for growth is finding our own peace through creativity 🦋💚
😉Any form of creativity remains a gift 🍀
She highlights that love exists in all of this – abd the more we turn to creativity that more likely we will embrace the force of love and life as bittersweet 🦋💕
🍀From a library that I visited with my adult sons 👏🏽
💚I call such reads – scaffolding the scriptures This book emanates ageless wisdom Highly highly recommend this book 🌟😊
So when things go a little different from what you have been used – consider the following
1. Accept
2. Try to let go of judgment
3. Look at it with a new pair of lens
4. See it as transition and a new beginning
5. Keep walking -choose to be constructive and creative in all that you do
6. Keep at kindness to self and others
7. Give thanks for life and living – have your smile on 😉🌸📚🌟☀️
Hope you have been extra kind to yourselves….. as I pondered about my post as to find something new to write, I struck upon a topic. I choose to write on resistance – recognizing and understanding resistance.
“Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work” – Steven Pressfield
I have also always been puzzled , intrigued that when I really want to do something – I recognize a certain sense of reluctance that gets within me . I tend to overcome this and there have been many times that I succumb to this barrier within me and therefore miss out on many a fun things that I would otherwise enjoy….
🍀Healing takes time and effort🦋☀️The story of growth and resilience 💚🍀
I therefore empathise with my fellow humans who go through this challenge on a day to day basis. The inspiration for today`s post also comes from the conversations I have had with people I work with, my friends and my family. Many of us feel resistance at different times and it sneaks from within or leaps ahead of us – it feels like a pull from behind.
Below an animated version of how resistance feels like – a block a wall or a force that sets one back
Hopefully my attempt at scaffolding this innate force within us will help you to break through your own inner barriers and move on to the next phase of your progression.
Resistance can be a barrier and a force that prevents us from doing something – that we want to do or we need to do …
It sits between apprehension and willingness – two very different dimensions
On one hand we are afraid to begin something new and on the other we are so keen to engage and take the next step
&
There is also a BUT – that creeps in….
We face resistance when we are ready to make the next stage
For example, we may want to volunteer or engage in 20 min of walking or learn a new sport – however there is a barrier that is daunting and that stops us from doing the things that draws us – i.e., from doing the things that is essential for our betterment
We also face resistance when are about to engage in a creative endeavor or when we are about to take up something new.
What is important is to recognize that resistance is a natural force that can be daunting
The way to get through this barrier is to take that first step and / or make the next move to embrace the next level of progression
“ Nothing else matters , except sitting down every day and trying” – Steven Pressfield
Recognize resistance – recognize that it is a natural force and work through it
💚Have Faith🍀
Time it –and don`t let it overwhelm you
Teach or tell yourself that resistance is also a hallmark of your progression- your readiness to grow and improve and embrace change
The longer that you allow resistance to sit – it turns into procrastination.
So, if you want to try your hand at art – just do it – get yourself a paper, a pencil and draw a figure that is your unique creation
If you wish to go for a walk, make that first move
If you wish to set a routine in place- put that on paper and
Plunge through the currents of resistance and take a
Leap towards your own progression and growth
“ Out of resistance comes strength” Nepoloean Hill
