Wellness for when feeling alone …..

Dear readers,

The intention of today`s post is to share my thoughts on loneliness – it is probably less spoken about than it should be – yet we all experience ” feeling lonely” or dealing with the stoicism that comes when living by oneself. In the work that I do, I hear from people in all age groups – young , middle-aged, senior and all walks of life who experience feeling alone from time to time,

Loneliness is also a universal human emotion – we feel it when our children have left and are independent ; we feel it when we move to a new place or a new country and there is also loneliness experienced in unhappy relationships .

It is okay to feel alone or lonely – this is a phase of life. It is not okay however, to feel this way all of the time,

Why ??? – we as humans are social creatures and we thrive when we recognise that the core function of our brains and heart is relational – it is about seeking out and forming connections that allow us to flourish and being in relationships that help us thrive – give , share , love , know and be known.

For those, who are apprehensive about forming those connections here are some small steps to develop a sense of belonging and connection – where you can slowly explore being a part of a group. It can be a book club, a walking group , a yoga practice or a singing group -this is a small stepping stone that facilitates belonging and connection

Fostering connectedness with family , friends who you have made and known through work or study and meeting with people you have met through shared interests and making this a regular part of your life is another way of nurturing relational connectedness

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Being known and understood by those whom we share a close connection adds dollops of wellness – for some the close connection is a spouse and for many others the close connection comes from family- it maybe be your children , your parents or extended family – or friends who replace family. Being known and understood is nurturing and validates a basic need that allows for resilience and growth .

What are some ways to bring in the right kind of people into your social and immediate circle

The principles that I have written about in my previous blogs come to play here too

Know your self really well – do a flow chart on your strengths and weaknesses

Identify 3 values that are close to your heart – it can be – kindness, respect, love , compassion, honesty…..

Check in with yourself as to how you practise those values on you/ self and on those around you

Participate in activities , volunteer in places where you get to implement these values

The more you do this – you will see – a connectedness with your self

The more connected you are with yourself , you allow for like minded people to become your friends…….your connections and your lifelong cheerleaders

I have learnt that to be with those I like is enough ……- Walt Whitman


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