Note for March – experiential insights 🌺❤️& emotional regulation🍀🌟🚲🎼🎸

Kia Ora to my dear readers,

Greetings to you all on this day of March. I have not been able to engage in this creative pursuit for reasons both personal and work related ….

I lost my dear aunt in the past week and the events leading to her passing had left me pensive sad and thoughtful. My work kept me buzzing on…..

In today`s post I will write down what I remember of my aunt – and then will also share 3 trauma related facts from the professional training and the books that have inspired me.

In the work that I do I speak of values and the significance of staying connected – connected to ourselves and to those in our lives and the community we serve ….

A pic from East – Connections 🍀
  1. What I remember of my aunt

“Be Grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond” ….Rumi

Love is a value that I hold close to my heart – love is about celebrating-  Belonging, Connections and Safety.

My beloved aunt who I lost last week – embodied this in the way she connected to– her immediate and extended circle. I remember her zest for life , for her beauty , her vivacious spirit, love for pets, bright smile, warm greetings, robust conversations, amazing embroidery, tongue in cheek comments, lots of ice cream, countless sleepovers – mini getaways, yummiest of black forest cakes and the best of home cooked food. Growing up, we ushered in each year with so much laughter and fun- she helped us experience the best of New Year togetherness . My cousins and I will ever cherish the hospitality, the love and warmth and time that she generously showered on us.

A summer flower from Aotearoa 🌺

Us -my cousins and I were children ranging from the oldest being 11 to the youngest being 1-2 years of age. Children do as they see –through my aunt`s hospitality and warmth -we as children experienced belonging, connections and safety -she taught each of us ways of celebrating love , belonging and togetherness.  This will be my aunt`s rich legacy.

I am forever proud and grateful for having had this in my life and today my heart feels full with the promise that I will go on to emanate the same values ……to bring back cheer to my grieving spirit and plentiful light to my aunt`s beautiful smile and spirit that has passed on…

A good haul ☀️

(ii)  Trauma related facts

Human mind is complex and the very foundation  of human needs is built on  feeling safe

Dan Siegel- “The human mind is a relational and embodied process that regulates the flow of energy and information”

The Joy of pets ☀️🎸
  • Need to feel safe

Why : Our brain works best when we feel safe ; our brain has two components – the feeling brain or the stem and the thinking brain which is the cortical region of the brain. The feeling brain is primitive and the thinking brain is rational. The feeling brain has to be in a good place for the thinking brain to work at it`s best !

  • Need to feel cared – need for healthy connections with community n culture
A pic from France 🎼

When we feel safe , our feeling brain can release feel good hormones which helps us to think clearly

When we feel safe and when we feel care, we can take in thoughts that are conducive to our personal and professional growth

When we feel safe, we have a good sense of connection to ourselves – and we are able to choose what is good for us

When we feel safe – we have a sense of clarity and purpose

When we feel safe – we engage in actions that are good for us and for those around

Vivacious 🍀
  • Need to develop coping strategies for managing turbulent emotions

Despite feeling safe there will be times where things don’t  go as planned

So as humans 😊 we need to develop the practice of emotional regulation – through Breathwork, exercise , talking to people we trust,

Engaging in or listening to music or

Journaling or reflection

Being absorbed in creative pursuits that are calming, repetitive and soothing

Practising emotional regulation is a way of calming the feeling brain ;

helps to exercise the brain stem

It keeps us centred

It gives us anchoring

It gives us comfort and helps is to develop a

Safe Inner working model

Practising  emotional regulation has  to become a conscious  everyday activity

So, my dear readers, what activity are you choosing for today for your dose of emotional regulation

Happiness is something that you bring to life”- Wayne Dyer

🙏🌟Remembrance 🌟🍀❤️

Much love

Insights – Integrity and wellness…..

Kia Ora my dear readers,

a picture called Perspectives

I hope you are enjoying the warm rain that brought some cool reprieve from the relentless heat

Today I am sharing my thoughts on integrity –as integrity happens to be an inherent aspect of wellness.

What is integrity

Integrity is about being  led by principles that are good for the self and for those around – it is about doing what feels right in your spirit.

The rationale for me to write on this topic is because very often, we are in conflict between choosing what our heart desires and our head dictates – we are contemplating on what we should / must do versus what we actually aspire to do and what feels right for us This conflict is bound to make us tense and sometimes this conflict can push us towards feel disconnected from our core beliefs.

Integrity is about being true to our beliefs- our values – where our feelings and actions are perfectly aligned with our thoughts.

Integrity also is about honoring the self and being true to what feels right for you. It is about being fair and being sound in the choices you make; when we follow rules of integrity we feel a sense of contentment– we feel true to ourselves – we feel brave and we feel the spirit of connection and there is a sense of seamlessness in each of our actions.

When we choose integrity as a value,

We expand the scope of our happiness

Are more purpose driven

We feel empowered

We choose actions that resonate with truth  

And Honour

We welcome plentiful  moments that resonates with

Joy Peace and Contentment

“ Peace is your home, Integrity is the way to it and everything you long for will meet you there…” Martha Beck

I have enjoyed connecting with you all through this blog ….. wishing you much joy and love  

Starting the year with a theme …..❤️🍀🌟🎼🚲🎸😃

The intention for this piece of writing stems from the philosophy that each day is meant to be lived with purpose -and contentment . Choosing a theme for the day or the week or the year – gives one a verbal and visual cue- it becomes an anchor during the times things go wayward ….choosing a theme helps us to feel connected to ourselves .

The cake that I crafted with ❤️joined us for a whanau lunch ❤️🍀🌟🌟🌟

Greetings to you all as the first week of 2022 – the first week seems to have gone in a flash….. I pondered on what I would start my blog for this year….and then stuck to my decision that I will be writing about choosing a theme for the day- the week or the year. Today`s writing resonates with some of the thoughts expressed in my previous blog….

The predominant themes that is going to be with me for this year – I choose love and safety

Summer colours warm and bright ❤️🍀

Love as in showing kindness, care – being there for the people who need you or delighting in doing the things you enjoy , taking in the delights that the world richly offers and being absorbed by the unique experience that comes to us in any given moment .

“Love is not affectionate feeling – but a steady wish for the loved person`s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”- C,S,Lewis

Safety is a value that reminds us of what is right and what is legal – safety has the inherent aspect of trust and wisdom -with safety comes right thoughts – right feelings and actions that are good for the self and those around ….. Safety helps us to use a calmer – rational- kinder approach.

What theme would you choose for this week and why ??

This one’s called jazzz loverzzz😃

How would your actions speak for the themes that you choose??

Some recommendations about making a start …..:)_

Artforms from the East 🍀🌟

Allocate time and space to think about the theme you choose – it could be safety , fun, love ,trust , fitness , punctuality …. the list could go on.

Choose 1 or 2

Put the themes into action -make little notes to yourself

Talk about it – experience it – and this will eventually set the pace and tone for how you live your best life day after day

I have also captured a couple of my quick illustrations to go with today`s writing

The red trailer @ the bay 🍀

Wishing you all a safe 2022 with much love

” Just one small positive thoiight in the morning can change your whole day”- Dalai Lama

The orchid in a bowl 🌟🍀

Thoughts on Values

Kia Ora dear readers,

“Your habits become your values and your values become your destiny”- Mahatma Gandhi

Things that bring me a smile 🙂

Today I am writing about the significance of using values for our day today living and giving.

The core purpose of how we live is defined by the values we choose to hold close to our hearts

The values we hold close to our hearts gives us a sense of connectedness to ourselves.

Having values imbibes our lives with purpose.

Values inspires us to have social connections that are meaningful.

It is the values that we cherish that defines and inspire us to give back to the community.

Through giving back to the community we find purpose and

Purpose inspires us to serve and do our best

and with service comes fulfillment.

Here are my values – Empathy, Safety, Love and Service

I slept and dreamt that life was joy-I awoke and saw that life was service -I acted and behold service was joy- Rabindranath Tagore

How do we pick our values….?

Choose the things you love to do …. and be aware of things that motivate you

Be aware of individual strengths and weaknesses

Be proud of your/our strengths and show acceptance and patience towards your/ our own weaknesses

Remember things and moments that brought a smile

Read Biographies or blogs on those who have done well for themselves…. and

Be observant of what has worked for them

Always strive to be in the company of those who bring calm, joy, sense of peace and connectedness

Begin to engage in activities that engage you and then gradually fill up your day with a set of tasks or activities that add fun and meaning to your life.

Make this an everyday habit.

Finishing my writing with Thoreau`s words – It is the beauty within us that makes it possible for us to recognize the beauty around us.”

Have a joyful weekend ….much love

Let`s talk Self -Care

Insight into Self-Care

What does this mean – it is our ability to show unconditional compassion and kindness towards ourselves- during the times we need it. It is that willingness to allocate time and connect to the core of who we are – with our strengths, weaknesses – capabilities and failings. It involves using precious time for self-inquiry- healing and growth

Why is this  important

It is an essential responsibility for each of us to allocate time for self-care; this is challenging for some of us as we have children in tow and / or work pressures mounting. It almost feels impossible amidst the ever growing chores / duties within each of our setting- whether we live with families or co-habitat as couples or strive through flat mate challenges or brave our way through singledom.

“See If You Can Give Yourself Gifts That May Be True Blessings, Such As Self-Acceptance” – Jon Kabat Zinn

Self-care-allows for insight into self-respect

By allocating time for ourselves – we have a better sense of understanding who we really are

What inspires or motivates

What feels comforting

What makes us shy away or

What makes us uncomfortable

It makes us more aware of our sensory needs

Colours that delight us

Tastes and smells that take us by surprise

Seasons that bring us calm and sights that make us grateful

There is also a wisdom that comes with self- care

It makes us mindful of values we cherish

Inspires us to live by principles we wish to emanate

Goals  we intend to achieve

And pathways that work best for each of us

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wellness – Finding our own truths

Clouds come floating into my life no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky”- Rabindranath Tagore

My Dear Readers ,

The intention of today`s writing is to share insights from my morning`s 10k walk with a much cherished human friend.

Today as I meandered through Auckland suburbia, I happened to look at homes – all kinds of homes – the ordinary ones, and of course some extra ordinary – the simple ones, the ones with blue grey tones, and the ones with buxom hedges, white roses, broken gates, unkempt lawns – green door steps, white verandahs and steep drives.

What fascinated and took over my thoughts – was each of them have a history that is unique…. They are not just homes but spaces that have a solemn presence – that contain both moments and memorabilia – some happy, precious, cherished – the homes have also witnessed moments sad, painful and perhaps even tragic. But what I saw in that stillness – is that each of the homes have withstood the trials and tribulations that comes with the history of time.

No matter how ordinary or extra ordinary they looked -they also had witnessed moments that they have lived through and had-their own individual story that to tell.

My role here I recognized was only to admire and be fascinated as an observer and participant of the undulating changes that caught my eye.

Each of us are a product– of our lineage, our belief systems and our individual experiences. Some experiences make us thrive and some make us almost cringe for cover. We can acknowledge the truths – however there is no need to feel bad of experiences that make us cringe –

We do not have to be caught forever in the throes of our lineage – stepping out of our history is a powerful way to claim our rights to craft our own unique experiences – that are rich– nurturing and gratifying.

The journey of  a thousand miles begins with one step- Lao Tzu

Here are ways to craft our own nurturing stories and experiences

  • Surround yourselves with people who care – who make you smile and laugh with ease
  • Begin taking notice of what you/ we really like
  • Develop a habit to serve those in need – it does not have to be through money it can be through sharing of your time – your skills or just being there for someone
  • Cultivate a reading habit – the more you read – the richer you become emotionally and intellectually and then your world becomes that much bigger and better
  • Take up a hobby that keeps you engaged
  • Engage in creative pursuits
  • Go on a walk and take in sights that delight you
  • Have a focus or intention for each day
  • Talk to someone who can help – there are heaps of wellbeing agencies
  • Be unafraid -ask for help x 3 or as many times you need it – there are always good people and systems that serve
  • Create a writing habit
  • Begin to write notes to yourself
  • Start with reminder notes and then progress to making affirmations that make you smile
  • Be fiercely kind and compassionate to yourself – this can be hard 😊 and
  • Be fiercely disciplined when talking about someone else (whether family or not family _ or of someone that bothers you – this is usually extremely extremely  difficult 😊 – but when we work toward this, we can literally measure our growth in leaps and bounds
  • Be generous about the mistakes of the past generation – our mums – dads- grandparents- they did what they knew best
  • Te tiro atu to kanohi ki tairawhiti ana tera whiti te ra kite ataata ka hinga ki muri kia koe.”
  • “Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.”- Maori whakatauki
  • For NOW
  • No matter what our experiences or history has been – each of us are unique individuals and we have in us the means to put our best foot forward
  • Looking forward –
  •  It is our turn to live our lives
  • Each day with sincerity – with
  • Sense of purpose and as best as we can – and
  • Believe that this can be done

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams – live the life you`ve imagined”- henry David Thoreau

Sending warm wishes for crafting  unique scripts to choose routines with care – live each day with meaning and purpose-   that open the doorways to  plentiful joy ,lots of love and endless tunes of harmony.

Happiness as an everyday emotion

The intention for today`s writing is about choosing to be happy no matter what??? – What????

Yesss “Come from a place of peace and you`ll find that you can deal with anything”- Micheal Singer.

COVID TIMES:  is our new reality – Currently we have limited social engagement, we have made significant changes to the way we live, some of us have lost our jobs and some of us can no; longer take holidays or visit family. This has now become a new reality. I have experienced some of the aforesaid limitations first hand, personally. I also work with people whose lives have changed dramatically in the current times.

Pre-COVID:  However, we humans have also been through passages of time – when COVID was unknown –We still had challenges -some of us lost jobs, some families separated and some of us lost loved ones and the list can go on……

  • How we choose to respond to those challenges is an indicator of our social and emotional intelligence.
  • How we maintain our state of mind – our emotions through our challenges – also is a measure of our physical and emotional health .  
  • Wellness comes when we choose happiness as an everyday emotion – to live mindfully – breath after breath – moment to moment

Insight for all times:   

Challenges are an inherent aspect of human experience. There`s always going to be something that niggles at us – it could be about not having enough, or wanting to go somewhere or needing to be with family who live far far far away or wishing that our aches and pains would go away or …….

Wellness comes when we choose to make conscious choices – moment to moment; careful choices of the emotions that we choose to keep and the emotions that we choose to let go. Choosing to be happy is achievable – happiness is an emotion that fills us up and keep us calm. Happiness is an emotion that paves the way for better health…

The choice is ours to be happy in any given moment – no matter what

This does not come easily – nevertheless it can be achieved when we

Spend time in breathwork

Use time to exercise

Find meaningful moments in creative pursuits

Seek solace in the midst of mature

Grow our knowledge through the wisdom of books

Delight in the senses – the tastes, the sounds and the textures that life has to offer

Choose kindness on ourselves; Use trust and patience Practice gratitude – day after day 😊

Live in the now – The perfect moment is this one – Jon Kabat Zinn

Wellness- on this day for peace 🍀

To my dear readers ,

It is the 21st of September – and today is the Spring Equinox for those of us in the Southern Hemisphere in Aotearoa -and today’s is also celebrated as the International Day of Peace.

So today I choose to write on the topic of anxiety- The experience of anxiety can be unsafe. The intention is to support adults and whanau/ parents of tamariki / children who experience anxiety from a very young age. It is about making a shift towards acceptance of this feeling called anxiety and allowing space for safety , peace and calm.

Dan Siegel – “When we begin to know ourselves in an open and self-supportive way, we take the first step t encourage our children to know themselves”

The topic of anxiety is close to my heart–as a child I vividly remember feeling anxious – I sensed a certain discomfort – it was about things going beyond my control or a funny feeling in my stomach along with a raised heartbeat. I felt it more at school than at home – and in the mahi /work that I do today -I come across similar stories where children/ tamariki feel unsure – helpless – scared –  these feelings manifest as avoidance or non-compliance or varying levels of desperation.

I was a bright student and also had a loving family. Despite all of this – I experienced this uncomfortable feeling –and what helped me through my pathway was my training in my chosen field , the books that I have read and the affirming messages that I got from myriads of warm caring and kind hearted humans.

Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love” Bruce D Perry

Truth: Anxiety is a universal human emotion – it is about feeling unsure -the feeling of anxiety stems from the brainstem the lowest part of our brain or the primitive brain. We experience anxiety when the stem of the brain

  • Recognises an element of the unknown or the unpredictable or
  • The memory of an event that has caused discomfort

Educating our children about feelings is an inherent part of emotional literacy. There maybe heaps of variables that impacts on anxiety- it can be genetics or environmental or even chemical imbalance or something else  ; however there is no one fit rule as to who experiences anxiety and who does not…

Things that help on the way…..  teach children from a young change that anxiety is a certain feeling.

What is important is – sit with them and talk to them using a kind voicewhen they are in the best of spiritsso when they are not feeling anxious.

  • Teach them young that it is okay to feel that way
  • Encourage children to name the feelings- giving the feeling a name – labelling it allows for some control.
  • Brainstorm ideas – what makes us feel safe. Brain helps us to think – feel and act- but the core purpose of the brain is relational – so we thrive when we feel valued -connected and safe.
  • Educate children about the brain – there are plenty of story books and picture books that talk about the brain (also refer to my writing on brain works too 😊
  • Tell them that the brain stem needs to feel safe and breathing helps us the brainstem to feel safe.
  • Talk to them that the brain has four layers – and each layer has its own function
  • Convey – when we feel sad or angry or scared the brain stem picks up signals and gives out clouds – angry clouds or sad clouds or fearful clouds. All of the clouds go up and sit on the thinking spot and does not allow us to think.
  • Discuss learning to breathe helps with sending the clouds away so we can think bright and right and also feel safe.
  • Affirm that the bottom part of the brain is the primitive braindoes all the feeling and the top part of the brain does all the thinking –The thinking brain flourishes and we can do wonders when our primitive brain feels safe and well
  • Chat about engaging in an activity that we enjoy – enriches & replenishes brain growth – it helps with feeling calm and centred. Repetitive work or play that is calming and settling – allows for brain health and brain growth – it can be music or drawing or any creative play
  • Discuss – belonging and feeling connected allows for safety
  • Enrich children with a list of comforting ideas – it can be
  • Holding on to something that feels comforting (a teddy or a familiar book/ object)
  • Encouraging them to use breathing
  • Counting to ten
  • Listening to a story or a song that makes them calm
  • Moving to a beat – learning a dance or engaging in exercise brings calm
  • Incorporating structure and routine
  • Giving plenty of positive feedback
  • Using gentle kind and affirming words
  • Inculcating love for nature
  • Allowing them to talk about their own strengths
  • Having Pets – especially dogs have a transformative effect on those experiencing any level of discomfort
  • Facilitating repetitive nurturing experiences that are calming and enriching
  • All of the aforesaid invites peace , calm – betterment and resilience.
  • What the child is able to do in collaboration today , he will be able to do independently tomorrow – Lev Vygotsky

With much aroha ,

Wellness -of memories & history

Kia Ora my dear readers ,

Hope you are keeping in good spirits – as we each live our pathways through the pandemic era. I am mindful that for those in the Northern Hemisphere , life is beginning to get back to where it once was ….I hear that from my cousins and some of my friends in far off places. For those of us in NZ , we are in “vigilance” mode against the virus…. and for some , this is manageable and for some others this is not easy. I send my aroha – my love  and heaps of kind thoughts for all those who are finding this present phase challenging.

Today my writing is about history – the impact of history on each of our wellness. What brought this …..well in a conversation with one of my cherished human connections; we went over the term history …. And here my intent is  about sharing  the perspectives that came from that dialogue …

Maoridom has the wisest adage on human connections –he tangata he tangata he tangata – the people, the people , the people

We all have a history – behind the numerous human connections that we make. That history involves the memories that we keep and make.It is that history, which influences the durability of the human connections. What we appreciate tends to stay on as cherished memories ;  memories that hurts or what gives us an unpleasant taste are those that we can thankfully let go but not without a struggle. Because memories are deep seated and it is not so easy to bid adieu to memories that cause pain.  One way of learning to let go of what hurts is to find

New things that interest us,

New human connections that bring warmth and

New lessons and experiences that create new learning and funfilled pathways.

The trick is to this repeatedly with

Intention in our thoughts, Joy in our hearts and Purpose in our actions

Science has found that when we do this repeatedly ,we   create a change in the way how our brain looks and works – this is how we make new memories that help us get past those that cause pain- and this is how ,we become courageous creators of  our individual history .

John Medina writes in his book Brain rules “ What you do and learn in life physically changes what your brain looks like – it literally rewires it”

  • Have a fun week making some new memories ……
  •  “Just one small thought in the morning can change your whole day”- Dalai Lama
  • Learning a fun song that you enjoy
  • Writing a note to yourself on your own strengths
  • Taking time in making a hot cup of tea – to watch the rain from a window….
  • It is raining here in Tāmaki Makaurau,Auckland – we here remain in Level 4 lockdown
  • The COVID pandemic era has been challenging – tough and almost relentless – it is also serving us lessons in patience  – kindness and love-  all of this will  forever be in the annals of time – in the making of this pandemic history.

Ma te wa on my next note

Finding the calm…

Let your capital be simplicity and contentment- Henry David Thoreau

Greetings to you all on the advent of Spring ……The intention for today`s writing is about finding ” our calm “when the complexities of the pandemic era take over…… hmmmm much of the world has either learnt or learning to live with all of this …the lockdowns , the isolation , and the growing rate of people being infected …. or the threat of picking up the virus…… that lingers on…….

” Cultivate the habit of being grateful, for every good thing that comes to you , and give thanks continually- Ralph Waldo Emerson

On a positive note, the pandemic has also helped us all to be more kind- to look out for one another and in my perception the best learning that it has offered us is about accepting the now – what is – and learning to live with the conditions that the pandemic has cast on us all.

NZ has been the place that I have chosen to live for the past 24 years and I am incredibly grateful and proud to call this beautiful country my home. I miss the travel and the connection with my family and friends in India and some other parts of the Northern Hemisphere that I so frequently enjoyed – I am grateful for technology that allows me to Skype as often as I wish with my family in India and my adult children here. I cherish the chats with my multi-cultural friends and whanau here in NZ and I am blessed to have the company of a cherished bubble – buddy and then my most loving endearing fur bubs, However despite being a professional and an agent of change working towards betterment in human wellness- I am humbled when I catch myself between sighs pondering when will this be over or I also find myself feeling just a little listless. I hear the same sense of unrest from my friends and family here and across the world ……I also hear the notes of uncertainty from the conversations that I have through the work that I do everyday…..

So I felt the need to write on this as it is essential to bring ourselves to think better , feel better and do better…Finding our calm amidst the uncertainties of the present era can happen when we teach ourselves to identify the little things -sights- the words – the sounds -that engage and delight us –

I certainly felt a shift – a sense of awe for true spirit of humanity and pride- -when I chanced upon Jacinda Arden our kind and able NZ Prime Minister`s words on Sir Michael Cullen an eminent New Zealander who recently passed away….. “fiercely intelligent , hugely funny and incredibly kind”– speaks volumes of his emotional wisdom and intellect. Children and adults should read and know more on people who have achieved greatness not just through their intellect but through their emotional and social wisdom ; the legacy of connectedness that they leave behind.

Write a note and make a list of things that make you smile or calms your senses….. it can be simple things as the sound of the kettle , smell of coffee, or the smell of lavender .

Learn a song – or find a new song a note that is relaxing

Make a mini plan for the day -example – tell yourself how you wish to spend the morning , what you would like to do during the afternoon and then for the rest of the day. Include little details – so this is also about making the day filled with intention and purpose ….

Plan what you wish to wear for the day ….. track pants works – clean and tidy yessss.. … but there is a wellness that takes over when we work on indulging in the simple joys and sheer fun of being well presented

Find a book or an article to read – I recommend reading about kind people- this is transformative in individual wellness….

Write a note to yourself on keeping calm…..

Have an intention for each day– it always works … Write it down and keep the note where you can see it …. for example. The intention for today is to feel kindness towards myself/ yourself – this can be done by saying out aloud what you do really well with a smile or getting a special treat or by showing patience and allocating time just to sit down and do nothing – if that is the need …..also with a smile or make a small donation to a charity that you support ( SPCA or HOSPICE or CITY MISSION or your CHURCH ) or to clean my closet or to engage in some big time baking or cleaning – and when the task is finished give kudos to your efforts on what little or much has been accomplished.

On that note I wish you calm in all that you do today and for the rest of the week of September….. pics to follow later 🙂